A new day

A new day. A new me. Someone very wise and probably older than me pr my grandparents , once said. ‘You are reborn everyday.”

And guys, I am so sick of being a victim.

I learned very early on that being ‘helpless’ and never retaliating no matter how badly someone abuses me was easy. But, guys, no one said easy was simple.I am sick of trying to please people.I am sick of wallowing in regrets for a broken dream.

This year I begun recovering and seeking for a new dream or in this case , another dream. I will never ever regret going into animation, there is a lot of joy and I have met amazing teachers and amazing people in animation. In fact, for all the suffering I went through at the hands of abusive people, I thrived at the stress, I was happiest at learning.

I still am, and it taught me the invaluable lesson of never being arrogant or unwilling to learn. But there is little to no jobs in Singapore, and …guys, my family really takes top priority. I do not wish to go abroad because 1. It poses a very high risk I am unwilling to take…While I will not turn away jobs in the animation industry , what now is my priority is gaining(( regaining knowledge in my case)) on how to be a graphic designer. 2. I HAVE tried and have been rejected countless times when in desperation I applied for jobs abroad. 3.

I have almost all the knowledge needed to be a graphic designer. Actually , my new boss who I am interning for is very nice and has sponsored me to take two courses, which I recently completed. One in Adobe Dreamweaver CS6 and Adobe photoshop cs6. But the knowledge I lack is in Adobe Illustrator CS6 AND Adobe Indesign CS6.

Lastly, after much thrashing around, I finally have a new dream and is relevant with my current knowledge. I am going to bridge my knowledge with Illustrator cs6 and Adobe Indesign cs6. I am going to take on any amount of jobs to get the money to get that knowledge and when the intake next years ((Due to my late realization, the intake for the new course at Ngee Ann Polytechnic has closed down and is only open..Next year in April.)) opens, I shall apply. Hopefully, I am praying my dithering has not caused me to be too old to be accepted into this course.

(( I will be 24 years old next year.I know, I am an old, old lady.)) Until then, I finally after much stubbornness and much pride have realized that life is too short to keep dithering in regrets and pride.

I know what I want.
Live in the moment.
Live in the now.
The past is the past.
When the time is time to let go. Let go.

It is hard not to fall into the usual pattern of learned helplessness. But being brave is infact simple. But simple is NOT easy. Being helpless is easy but NOT simple. I am trying not to be a victim, or ever, ever give anyone the opportunity to make me feel small. Ever again. I am sick, infact of feeling small, I am sick of being disdained for events out of control by family, stranger and anyone.

I am sick, most of all of being and allowing people to walk all over me to boost their own little egos. I am writing this now to remind myself, and to anyone. You have one life. Live it. Irregardless what your family or anyone thinks. It is your life, not theirs.

There are so many things I want, I want a stable job that challenges me and is financially stable and fulfilling and based in Singapore so I can be close to my family , support it and keep producing comics. I want to write a book. I want to someday have the expenses to repay all my parents have done for me, I want to bring my family for a holiday in Japan. I wish to visit the USA, Ireland and Iceland before I die.

Nothing is impossible,someday,somehow I shall do it. I am writing to remind myself this. I will achieve all I have someday, I do not know how but at least I have an idea of where to start.

Thank you so much, all of you guys. I really appreciate the support for my emotional breakdowns and being there for me. I truly appreciate it. I am really lucky to have you all in my life. You know who you are.Guys, I cannot express my gratitude to all you guys who have been cheering and helping promote our cause.

You guys are my backbone throughout this dark peroid.

I will write a journal entry tomorrow thanking all you wonderful people for the help and support, so stay tuned, you wonderful lovely, BOBS!